Cheap shot: Dr. Ben

Takes a tough man to make a tender superPAC. But you can keep fucking that chicken, Dr. Ben, as long as you don't marry it. Image via 365 Bars.

The Times seems to be interested in taking Dr. Ben Carson seriously as a presidential candidate:

One of the clearest indicators of his intention to run is that he has met recently with communications experts to tone down his remarks. In an interview, he blamed “the P.C. police” for frequently twisting his meaning. “When I mention bestiality or pedophilia in the same sentence with homosexuality, people say ‘Carson says they’re the same.’ Of course they’re not the same,” he said. “That point was if you change the definition of marriage for one group, you’ll have to change it for the next group and the next group.”

I'd like to point out that this isn't true: marriage is a contract between consenting adults, and in order to legalize marriage with nonhuman animals or underage children you'd have to redefine it in a much more fundamental way than had to be done for same-sex marriage, which only takes a couple of extra pronouns. What would the age of consent be for a sheep, and how would she demonstrate she wasn't being married against her will? "If you know cause or just impediment why these two may not be joined in holy matrimony, speak now, or forever hold your fleece."

Then there's the question of whether he can run a serious campaign, including the requisite fundraising:

Already, the Run Ben Run effort, a “super PAC,” has raised $12.2 million. But behind that impressive cash haul is the problem facing most small-donor fund-raising: The group spent most of its income on direct mail and similar activities to raise its funds, according to the Federal Election Commission.

Run Ben Run and his sister, Esther Bat Run. No, really, what exactly is the problem facing most small-donor fundraising?

[The noted journalist-for-sale] Armstrong Williams, Mr. Carson’s business manager and closest adviser, whose nickname for his friend is “Seabiscuit,” complained that Run Ben Run exists “to benefit the people that run it, not the Ben who’s running.”

Oh, that. That is a problem. Apparently Run Ben Run has a super-duper mailing list of Carson supporters, but they're going to make Carson pay for it. But I guess that's Republican politics for you; it's all grift for the mill.

Dr. Who? Dr. Whatever. Image via AATTP.